The modern workplace has cracked one of humanity’s great unsolved mysteries: how to sneak a granola bar into a conference room without triggering a hostage negotiation.
First, there’s the 17-minute surgical unwrap — slower than open-heart surgery, louder than betrayal. Then comes the bite math: chew while others speak, freeze during silences, pretend to cough to mask crunch. It’s performance art. It’s espionage. It’s hunger management meets theater of war.
And yet…no one questions the person who brings a gallon water jug and slurps it like a walrus in a baptismal font. No, they are a hydration icon. But the snack sleuth? A corporate criminal.
Let’s call it what it is: survival. If humans weren’t meant to eat in meetings, they wouldn’t schedule them during lunch.
Steal a bite. Embrace the crinkle. Just don’t be the guy who brings carrots.
#OfficeOlympics #MeetingCulture #SnackSaboteur #CorporateTheater #StealthCrunch